Thursday, January 12, 2012

A Just Cause

Sometimes I have a hard time defining what I want or want to do at any given time.  I know I feel restless and, for me, that usually manifests itself in wanting to eat, especially sweets or refined carbs. 

(In the interest of full disclosure, one of my goals for yesterday was to stop eating sugar for the rest of the day, but as soon as the kids were safely tucked in bed dreaming of sugar plums, I snuck to the freezer and scarfed down several freezer-burned cookies that smelled like meat that were left over from Christmas.  I also had two pieces of bread slathered in Cheese Whiz (Canada’s favourite condiment!), and a big mug of mulled wine.  Apparently, committing your goals to writing and publicly sharing them with anyone who cares to read them, does not always ensure success.)

Anyway, it’s a new day and I am on to new goals, though I also plan to stay away from the freezer-burned Christmas cookies! 

So back to feeling restless:  my mind goes in circles like a dog chasing its tail but I don’t even know what is on my mind, and I don’t let it stop long enough to investigate it by JUST BEING STILL.

So: my goal for the remainder of today is to just be. 

·   Just sit and do my writing. 
·  Just sit up straight and breathe deeply.
·   Just keep smiling (even if there is no one in the room with me). 
·   Just enjoy people (whether they are in the room with me or imaginary). 
·    Just watch what I am watching or read what I am reading (even if it is trashy). 
·     Just eat what I am eating and not think about what I want to eat next or that I want to eat more.
·     Just walk (and maybe not listen to a podcast the whole time) and just fully feel the experience of walking, one foot in front of the other, the soreness of my back, the stiffness of my hips.  Just acknowledge it, accept it, and feel it.  Know that it’s just another feeling.
·     Just play with my kids without thinking about what they should be doing (practicing piano, brushing their teeth, putting on their pajamas, doing their homework, telling me what a wonderful mommy I am) or what I should be doing for them (nagging them, cleaning up after them, teaching them how to sound out words or telling them to stop shouting.  “I’m right beside you, for Pete’s sake!”).
·     Just have a hot bath and feel the water encompassing and relaxing me.
·     Just sink into my bed, get cozy and just sleep. (Not now, of course.  Sometime around 10:30.  Okay, 11:30 at the very latest.)

Sounds easy, right?  At least it sounds relaxing.  I’ll let you know.  I’m a bit worried that it’s going to stress me out!


  1. Leah,

    Even though I haven't commented before, I wanted you to know that I read your blog faithfully and absolutely LOVE it. I can't count the times I have related and thought, "I do that, too!" Please keep writing and sharing -- it's wonderful to get a chance to know you this way!

    P.S. In the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, growing up, Cheeze Whiz was practically required eating on your toast in the morning. I loved it!! (Still do.) :)

    1. Kath, I am SO honored that you read and love my blog. That means a lot coming from a witty, fun, with-it lady who has better things to do than sitting around reading girlfriend's cousin's twice removed blogs! I love reading your posts every day so I'm glad I can give you something to smile about, too!

  2. Although I haven't eaten Cheeze Whiz in hubby and I are cultivating our culinary talents as my girth will attest to...Don't stress out if you can't keep or follow every goal.

    I think you just want to enjoy life and not worry about every little thing you may or may not be doing right...who cares! Love your hubby, love your kids, love yourself and try not to purposely hurt anyone...that's the philosopphy I try to follow...the rest is details.

    Keep writing...don't stop...our world would be lesser without it.

  3. Thanks, Pat. I am very encouraged by the positive feedback. I already feel like I'm Ellen!