Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscar Musings From a Mommy

I'm in Hong Kong and the Oscars aired Monday morning in our time zone, just in time to start my teaching day.  I tried to educationally justify streaming it on the whiteboard in my classroom, but no go from admin.  So here I am at 9:30 pm my time watching the rebroadcast  of Live From the Red Carpet, thinking there is no way I am actually going to make it to the actual Oscars even though I am drinking a Diet Coke to keep me juiced up and jazzed.

Frankly, I'm not too bothered about missing the Oscars.  Aside from the Bridesmaids, Muppets and The Help, I haven't even watched any of the films.  Mostly it's just fun to see the hoi poilloi and see how they react under the pressure of billions of people watching them in their haute couture having inane questions fired at them.  What I am really looking forward to is watching the Fashion Police tomorrow.   That Joan Rivers nails it every time, no holds barred.  She's about a gazillion times more entertaining than the actual Oscars.  I don't need speeches and thank-yous and we don't even get the fun Ellen JC Penny ads here in HK so it's a bit of a wash up.

My sweetie, Don, tells me he wants to go see The Artist: I say I can manage 22 minutes of Modern Family or 30 Rock, but two hours of a silent black and white film is my idea of hell.  Here's what I want out of entertainment (and it ain't much):

  • to laugh
  • to not be stressed
  • to eat popcorn

Here are my Oscar night insights (even though I have not actually watched them):

It's a great time to catch up on mindless paperwork and marking: I'm lounging on my plethora of pillows and working at my lap desk IN BED!

It's even better when my paramour makes me his famous olive-oil-in-the-wok popcorn (an extra big batch this time) and I get to wear a tiara while eating it!

I have a total commitment to NEVER getting a straight-across-the-forehead fringe a la Rooney Mara.  Really, what's up with that?  It may be edgy, but it's ugly.  Also, I don't understand her name.  I think parents should give their children nice names that won't make them want to commit suicide later in life.

Angelina wears too much black and she's far too skinny. Even though she professes to feeling guilty that children are starving in Africa and that's why she can't eat much, I still think she can eat a bit more. Her body should match those lips of hers.

I have an abiding love for long couture dresses since I am not a fan of my legs.  Hopefully, one day I'll get to go to the Oscars, too.  The eco-friendly, don't-kill-the-silk-worms green one by the silent actress lady really worked for me.  Gourge.

I've once again realized that I have SERIOUS issues with symmetry (needing it) so the one shoulder style is very disconcerting to me. It makes me hyperventilate.

Gwyneth's cape is quite chic.  I wonder if I could rock that at work.

George Clooney is the handsomest man on the planet.  Sorry, Don.  I'm not a luster of men (or women) as a rule, but that man just makes me swoon.

Why does Kelly Osbourne have grey/purple hair?  It's almost as bad as Hilary Clinton's hair these days.  Those two could do a photo shoot together.

The dictator thing just didn't do it for me.  You could tell persnickety Ryan Seacrest was seriously annoyed by the Bisquick misadventure.  I would have been too.  I also fear Kim Jong Il's son could retaliate.  You don't mess around with North Korea.  Those dictators are big Hollywood fans and they're not going to like this.  They have nuclear weapons, you know, Sascha.

I don't think I'd be a very good celebrity stylist.  There must be a lot of money in it, but I bet those ladies get bitchy!

Being a celebrity plastic surgeon?  I think that would be well worth the bitchiness!

Bright yellow makes me happy in a kitchen but not in a dress.  Some of those bright dresses reminded me of the uncomfortable plastic chairs at McDonalds.  Michelle Williams comes to mind.

Has Tina Fey had work done?  She doesn't strike me as the type.

Meryl Streep proves you don't have to be all-out-glam to be just a downright classy and delightful lady. You just can't judge her.

I have nothing more to say tonight even though the Oscars haven't even started yet (for me).  I know who the winners are.  Congrats to them all.  I'm off to bed to dream of accepting an Oscar someday myself.  I might have to do it in absentia, though.  Honestly, they're just too boring.  I'll catch all the juicy deets in the gossip mags in the tub in the next few weeks.

Charlotte is quite the diva herself.
Mommy in her tiara and Cha getting ready for her beauty sleep!

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