Friday, January 11, 2013

Why Don't Things Ever Go my Way?

Don't worry: it's staged.

Why aren't things go your way?  That's easy.  They ARE going your way.

There is only what is.  I'm slowly learning that if I insist on fighting with what is, I will never be happy.  Guaranteed.  One hundred percent.  Even when things ARE going the way I want them to.  (Then I'm wondering if things could be going better and what I have to do next and how to grasp for that.  Satisfaction has a limited shelf life.)

I'm all for change.  I'm all for planning for the future.  I'm a huge storyteller about my past.  But I know the secret to happiness, too.  (I promise you, that doesn't mean I practice it all the time: I know it and I practice it some of the time.)

But it's as simple as nothing.  It's just acceptance that, no matter what is happening, it is your way.  It's where you are right now and it's where you're meant to be.  You've created it.  Admittedly, vacation time is usually more fun than work time (Hello!  I'm not a fool!), and Friday afternoon feels good when you know you've got the weekend off.  But you've only got one Friday afternoon every seven days.  Does that mean all your remaining work days need to be less than wonderful?  And how many vacation times do you get every year?  (If you're a teacher like me, quite a few.)  Regardless, it seems sad not to make every day your best day.

Off to the airport to catch a flight to Thailand.  Yes, it IS easier to enjoy the vacation moments,
but that doesn't mean you can't be present for ALL of your moments!

Interestingly, my pessimistic nature actually helps me to be more optimistic.  Each day I morbidly think, "I'm one day closer to death."  (As are all of you, by the way.)  Just seeing it through that lens helps me to see that THIS day, THis moment is what I need to be focusing on.  Waiting to win a million dollars (which I won't because I don't play the lottery) or even waiting for the weekend takes me straight out of what I have now.  I want each day to be lived fully - not just my so-called "time off."

Being present actually helps to further your future, too.  For the positive.  I promise again.  (Of course, my money-back guarantees only work if you've given me money.  Oops.)  At present I have many free moments because I've had a major surgery and have taken a leave of absence from my beloved job.  I started off with many goals for this recovery time including writing a best selling novel, getting buff (upper body, anyway), losing weight (while in bed with a spinal and pelvic fusion?), starting a podcast...

I've scaled it way down:  I aim to be present.  Period.

If I can learn to be more present during this time of relative stress-free living, I am hoping I can translate that into my usually busy life.  I know that being present will help me manifest all the other things I want.  In the last several weeks of bed rest, I have been catapulted into writing or accomplishing other tasks after periods of just lying in bed and breathing and letting my mind keep coming back to my breath (with lots of catnaps in between and snack breaks, etc.).  At first it felt like such a waste of time to just lie here, but in my case the doctor's orders sort of justify it which is rather nice.

Pretty much my go-to place for the next while: bed in the alcove of the living room.
Not ideal, but it IS a bed and I AM in the nerve centre of the house!

Even at this moment, I am writing this while lying in my bed because my back is well and truly aching this morning.   (I overdid it on a jigsaw puzzle yesterday and writing my novel in an Ikea chair that is too low for me.  Can ANYONE recommend a good chair, btw?  This is one thing I need to manifest NOW!)   The house is still.  I recognize the quietness and a feeling that might be called loneliness and maybe a bit of boredom though with neither is them a yearning or discontent.  They just are.  I recognize them.  I've let them go.  Even the sensation of my back hurting is just another feeling.  It's part of the path I am on.  I accept it.  We only call it pain because it is a different feeling than what so-called normal is.  In fact, I think what I feel is more of the healing process as my body repairs itself from the surgery.  Reframing it helps it to somehow be more acceptable.

I don't want to strain against what is.  (If it's Monday morning: accept it.)  I see it in myself and I see it from people everywhere everyday.  It makes life so much harder than it needs to be, yet it seems like such a human instinct to do just that.  That's where I can go to the breathing and the knowing that I can transcend all of that, moment by moment (especially after I find a decent chair).

Until one experiences the surrender that comes with just breathing and being here now, it may sound "airy fairy," but when you do, even for seconds, you'll know there is a relief and a release that comes to visit.  I'm living more in that place these days, even though my actual circumstances are far from ideal.  I want this relief and release to take up permanent residence.

So that's my journey.  It's not just a new start every day on this one, but a new start moment by moment.  I guess that means I get lots of chances.  Gotta like that!  (I need them.)

And what's not to love having these peeps in my life?
I want to soak up every moment with them!

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