Saturday, January 19, 2013

Why I Won't Go to Concerts

I admit it: I am a great big loser.  My sweetheart has had to come to terms that I will not attend live entertainments event with him anymore.  Fortunately, I am lovable in oh, so many other ways.  Double fortunately, he has two daughters who will soon be of the age to accompany him.

I love it when Don brings his instruments on vacation;
live entertainment from home or holiday is perfect!

1. The toilet situation.  I have a bladder the size of a pea.  It is physically impossible to sit through/dance through even one act of a performance without having to zip out for a pee.  The embarrassment, the hassle, the what-did-I-miss is just plain stressful.

2. The hordes of people.  They scare me.  I'm not claustrophobic, but I am not a fan of being sardined in with a gazillion other people with bad breath, body odor and alcohol-infused behavior.  Frankly, I'm kind of a fan of being alone.  And I don't have the money for Neil Young to put on a private concert just for me.

2. It's just too damn loud.  Isn't that awful?  It doesn't matter if it's a rock concert or a piano concerto, I always find myself wanting to turn down the sound.  I think I have sensitive ears.

3. The traffic.  I always find myself wanting to leave long before the last song, never mind before the encore.  Fighting through the throngs of people and then idling in your car, wishing you were home in bed is too much hassle to justify having seen Eric Clapton from half a mile away, and spending most of your time watching him on the jumbotron because he is the size of Tom Thumb from where you are sitting.

4. The seating.  I wan't my rocking chair.  I want my lazee boy.  Okay, I actually want my bath tub.  I refuse to sit on fold-up chairs or, worse yet, to pay buckets of money to stand. My five foot two body cannot see over the crowds when everyone is standing.  I feel like a strawberry in a blender being sucked to the bottom.

I'm sure the music was blaring while we enjoyed it from
 the comfort of the tub!

5. The boredom.  I feel guilty saying it, but I am the consummate multi-tasker.  I cannot just sit and listen to music.  I want to read or knit or do a crossword puzzle.  One cannot do that at a concert without risking a wedgie.  It's just not cool.  I work on being mindful, but I do better being mindful in silence.  There are just too many distractions.

6. I can listen to it at home.  While I'm in bed.  Reading a book.  And it's a lot less spendy.

In more ways than one, you could say I am a cheap date.  Also a boring one.  There comes a time in one's life where you just know where you stand and what you like and don't like.  Like me or leave me, this is who I am.

This is the one concert I loved in recent years: Alison Kraus with my sis
and wine and a picnic.  (And our men!)

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