Thursday, January 3, 2013

Finding the Rainbow...

I've got a nasty boil on my thigh.  And I mean nasty.  And, no, I won't be posting a picture of this baby.  And, yes, it's like a baby.  It's got a head and a life of its own.  Scary.  Disgusting.  Infected.

Last night while my sweetie was knee deep in pus and blood, helping me re-dress this angry, ugly baby, I asked him pointblank, "Will you ever be able to look at me the same way again?"

He replied, deadpan, "We'll just have to wait and see."

At which we collapsed into a heap of laughter.  I mean you laugh or you cry.  The indignities he has seen me through in the last few weeks since my back surgery and the patience of Job he has had are testament to his good guy-ness.  This one is a keeper.  It hasn't all been beer and roses, that's for sure!

Of course, I knew that 20 years ago, when two months after meeting, I had the motorcycle accident which landed me in this predicament to begin with.  He rescued me (literally), took care of me, walked excruciatingly slowly with me for years, made me laugh, watched The Flying Doctors with me, and traveled all over Asia with me, dealing with my "special needs" all these many years.

It's been three weeks since my major surgery; it's been painful and I've had a few meltdowns and feel-sorry-for-me moments, but, do you know what?  I have wonderful memories of these three weeks much in the same way I have wonderful memories from the months after my actual accident.  Why?  I think because I was around people who loved me, cared for me, and helped me to find ways to laugh through the pain and distress of it all.  Those moments trump the pain by a long shot.

My new start every day is to get through the day, minute by minute, without complaining.  Acknowledging that things are difficult is one thing, and they are, but complaining brings bitterness.  I've got nothing to complain about.  I am healthy, have chosen to have a surgery that is going to make me strong and pain-free, I am surrounded by loving people, and I am happy.

I am using my time off work as a sort of retreat to "come to my senses:" practice mindfulness and gratitude and be right here, right now, experiencing what I am.  Life is good.

What more could a gal want than what I already have?  I am truly blessed.

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